Friday, June 27, 2008

Shopping Madness in Bandung..

The 3 days in Bandung (25th June - 27th June 2008) is the craziest days!

I can’t say much! Not now. But what I wanna tell u guys is that BANDUNG IS THE SHIZZLE!!

I mean how often u can get to shop and shop n shop!! Which I almost drop but I don’t think so..haha. I still bring quite a lot of money home.

It just so hard to find all these beautiful shirts, blause, tops, skinny jeans, begs and a whole lot more that u can get for cheap prices.

All I can show now are the things that I’ve bought. I'm still waiting for the dindas to upload our photos back there. So here they are…don’t be jealous k? hehe..

Saturday, June 14, 2008

love hurts..but it makes me feel alive.

Tonight we drink to youth
And holding fast the truth
Don't want to lose what I had as a boy
My heart still has a beat
But love is now a feat
As common as a cold day in L.A.

Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing

I'm fettered and abused
Stand naked and accused
Should I surface, this one-man submarine?
I only want the truth!
So tonight we drink to youth!
I'll never lose what I had as a boy

Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing?

Love hurts
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive
Love sings
When it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me
'cause without love I won't survive

this song really suits my mood right now. love does hurts. it truly does.

disconcert i am

It is Saturday, got no plan for the weekend. Mama is sick. Unfortunately she’s having problem with her periods. I’m scared. But I hope she will be ok. Ok back to the real reason why I wrote this. For the love of god I don’t know how many times me n fakhry got into fights. Big or small the matter was, we just keep on fighting. But as usual we somehow manage to end all those fighting. Deep inside me, I think I‘ve never been satisfied. I mean the way we forgive each other. It is either I tend to back off and just put aside me or when he just gave up and just followed what I say. Sounds fake, I mean no matter how hard I try to explain to him what I was having or what makes me angry and not satisfy with anything, he just did not want to listen. It hurt so bad when i try so hard to make things work between us but then he just look at our argument is like so silly and he thinks that I just over react. But seriously don’t! He just don’t understand! Sometime he just refuse to listen and just pretend to be interested. I don’t know how long I can take this kind of burden. I love him. So much! But like we all always heard, love isn’t everything.

For me, I’m still thinking that he just doesn’t know how to understand me.

I really don’t know how I am going to do with him. We love each other so very much. There’s no doubt about it. But it just so much more for us to understand and in my case for him. I know being a medic student he may not has a lot of time to think about relationship and all the little things or big things that he should know and understand. About me. He should really think about me, I mean I have so many things in my mind that I wanna do and there are so many things that I want to explore but being with him I find that it is very difficult for me to experience all that because we always be very careful about everything. I am happy with him but I just don’t feel the excitement anymore.

We are so different. But I thought it would be interesting but some I guess not. I can’t tell him about the music I love, the book that I’ve read or the movie or anything that I have interest in. not that I can’t tell him about all those things, but it just he would never understand about it and therefore I think it may be waste of time telling him about things he don’t understand or unfamiliar with. I hate myself. I hate myself because now I’m becoming more like him. I mean I never wanted to hurt anyone’s feeling but he always doing that to me and now I’m just like him. I become an angry person and I tend to be snobbish and look people down on me. I realize that when people do bad things to me, then I tend to do bad things to them back. And that is why sometime me n fakhry got into an argument, because I hurt his feelings. But I would never do that if he never did that to me. That is one of my problems that I need to work on.

No matter how hard I try to make things work, but if he just refuse to listen I don’t know what I’m gonna do…maybe time will decide. I hope he could change. I really hope so.

Its been awhile I know.
Good nite peeps.